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Collaborative Echolalia/Stimming

One of the things that does not get NEARLY the recognition it deserves is collaborative stimming.  Oh yeah, and collaborative echolalia.

Like my beloved and I will say a phrase back and forth to eachother - sometimes as simple as “Hello” - but each time with a different inflection, a different *way* of saying it.  So we are going through and describing all the ways we are happy to see eachother.  Just through tone of voice. And a repeated phrase.  It makes a kind of song - two voices rising and dipping.

Also, there’s a lot of power in reciting a scene (from a movie or book) we both remember together.  Getting our voices to match, building momentum off eachother.

I think I’ll get into stimming in the next post. :)



Anonymous asked:

Are you still accepting contributions.... And is it possible to do it anonymously ?

Absolutely - we are still accepting contributions! And you can contribute anonymously. 

If you can’t figure out how - then I will cut and paste your (non-anonymous) submission into a new document that won’t have your user name on it.

Perpetually Myself: My favorite part of the Loud Hands video


And also a comment inspired by discussion of autistic relationships.

I love the entire video, but my favorite part is of the two autistic people who were stimming together.  !  Neil and I do that all the time, and for me it was powerful to see that on screen, just as it was powerful to see one-person stims that strongly resemble my own.

The experts say that we need to stop stimming “for our own good,” that stimming prevents us from having social relationships, etc.

Well, what if stimming is part of the way we interact with the people we love?

Yes! Stimming carries a lot of emotion.  It’s a way of connection with the world (not always romantic, and not always with other humans, but still).

Reblogging for signal boost.

Living Plural: Jumping in on the “why multiple systems are awesome” thing. For one...


Jumping in on the “why multiple systems are awesome” thing. For one thing, I can cuddle with Ace and Thomas at the same time, and don’t have to be like “I am totally ignoring one of them and there is favouritism.” I don’t know if I would necessarily say that I’ve ever considered myself polyamorous, but it’s certainly something that’s crossed my mind before. Every time I think about it, though, I think that it would be really sad if a three-way relationship ended up with two of the people sort of pairing up and ignoring the third, which I would worry would happen.

Not that Ace is particularly cuddly anyway, which actually brings up the other point - fond as I am of Ace, I am super cuddly and physical. If it was just Ace, I would still find him awesome and glorious, but I would be sad if I felt like I was forcing hugs or cuddling or whatever on him. Since Thomas is actually willing to initiate cuddling and kissing, and seems to enjoy it, I get Ace and cuddles. (And Thomas of course, but the point of that was the “choosing Ace or physical fulfillment would be sad.” Now I get both of them, with Thomas-supplemented physical contact.)

There’s also some convenience things. It is cheaper to buy one airplane ticket than two (or three, or four, depending on if Val and Serpent wanted to visit me, too). It’s easier to fit two bodies on a bed than three, particularly if the bed you are trying to cuddle on is a twin bed. And my mom is already iffy enough about Ace - I can’t imagine she’d take it well if I said I had two boyfriends, so this way I get to spend time with them both without revealing the true nature of the relationship.

Of course…there are the complications, too. Fronting, for one - if Ace and Thomas and Val and Serpent were all singlets, Val and Serpent could wander off and do something else if they were like “okay stop cuddling/kissing/whatever in front of us”. Instead, I just chase them away from the front when I flop on Thomas and Ace during a movie, and then I feel like I’m denying them the right to exist in this world and restricting them to Valland or the headspace. And the fact that if I ever felt like talking to someone about the relationship as it actually is, I’d have to find someone fine not only with the idea of nonnormative relationships but also with multiplicity.

The two ways I relate: art and hurt.


It’s a difficult word for me, in the beginning, and sometimes, I get mad at it. It doesn’t mean to me what it means to other people, in two ways.

The kind of love I do feel very comfortable with, with all people, is not a direct intimacy. I’m autistic, and, sometimes I am good at cuddles and sometimes I am good at more, and, happy about more. But, I can only take this in small measures. I’m grey-A, and a full-time, “normative” sexual relationship is not for me.

The kind I prefer to have, is a bonding through art and beauty. I find that, when people pour out their feelings into beautiful words… poetry, stories, personal myths, anything like this… I begin to get an “art crush” on them. It’s not that I want to hug them or touch them or kiss them… but… I want to share words and stories, I want to write things with them, I want to talk about their inner worlds, I want to sit up for hours and hours tucked in a blanket inside a tent covered in fairy lights, whispering our secrets.

These “crushes” really matter to me. If that person leaves, or stops sharing, I do miss them a lot. And I feel like when they share like this, and I connect with it, they touch some really deep part of me, and it burns a scar inside my heart. Their words become part of me, part of the way I see the world.

(Perhaps it is because I have language disorders, and, so, I am always looking like a magpie for new phrases and ways to say things, so that I can describe my world better, because I can’t put it together my self. So, they really do become part of the literal way I see things, often. And that is one of the deepest things you can do for a person, affecting the way they express their self even in their own mind.)

To me, I want writing crushes and art crushes much more than I want romance. Romance can flicker and fade, but when someone changes the way I see the world, it lasts for ever. And when someone shares their inner beauty with me, I have found something more precious than a hug or a touch… anyone can hug me, but people inside, are unique. And words, this I can cope, when they overflow inside my heart they burn and hurt and overwhelm but… it’s a sort of overstimulation I am okay with. I cry, I rock, I whine, I clutch my hands at myself, I pinch my skin and leave marks. But… it’s okay, those times. I don’t know why, but, when it’s beauty, it doesn’t feel strange like physical touch can. It hurts in a way I can cope.

The hard part is, people don’t realise that these relationships are my best romances. That they matter to me, so much more than sex.

[Trigger warning: details of abuse]

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The arch curling round
bracing around what is surely
those absences society sees in us
the lack- they say lack
lack, a word with so much of saying
that there is something that
should must be there
but isn’t-
of eyes touching
easy embrace
the societally explained expectations
that lead only to disappointment
when pursued-
in my experience at least.

Instead there is that space
of each of us being our own
and yet united
continued, flowing, unlimited
by the bonds of societal affection.
our skills and wants and needs
uniquely ours and yet
a part and parcel of the drive
or desire of one whole.

United only by
the touching of our feet.

Originally written August 2010

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